When I was in grade six, one of my best friends, Jeff, told me that he was fed up with the “stupid canadian winter” and that he was going to move to Malaysia when he grew up. Back then, I thought he was being ridiculous. First of all, I thought that the -35 degree winter was the norm – and that people in places like florida were wussy. Secondly, I didn’t know what a ‘malaysia’ was, and had no idea why anyone would want to go there.
Since elementary school, I’ve left the frozen north, and have lived in Victoria for the past five years. The coldest weather I had to endure was -4. Winter meant rain, and grey skies. It meant I had to wear a sweatshirt, and waterproof my shoes, carry an umbrella and phone people in Ontario to laugh at them. This year, I’m that poor sap in Ontario.
When I went outside this morning, my boogers flash froze, my hair turned solid, and my face fell off. (Well, maybe the last part is an exaggeration, but I certainly couldn’t feel my face, so it might as well have fallen off.) When I checked the weather report, I found that it was -28 outside, -35 with wind chill. This was cold. Really cold. Colder than I remember cold being. Once I got to work, I started scoping out places that I could hibernate until it became humane to go outside again.
As it turns out, Futureshop policy prohibits employee hibernation. At least on site. Things were looking pretty grim until Brian pulled up in a preheated car to drive The Wife and I home.
I remember when I was younger, I used to walk to school in -42 below weather. No kidding. Me and all of my friends just threw on our toques, coats and gloves, and plotted off as if everything was normal. I thought I remembered winter being warmer than it really is. Having experienced it again, I have come to realize that I was just really stupid when I was young.
Since grade six, Jeff has told us every year how he still plans to move to Malaysia. We always just waved it off as random whining. I just got off the phone with Jeff. He still plans on going, and when he does, he’s agreed to book tickets for The Wife and I. This country is too bloody cold.