There are some people who, for whatever inconceivable reason, don’t get along with me.
Some of these people have a natural ‘this guy rubs me the wrong way’ sorta dislike. Some people have a ‘he puts too much pepper on his eggs’ sorta dislike. Some people have a bone-deep, multi-generational, near-psychotic, stab-you-in-the-eye-with-a-rusty-spoon sorta hatred. One of the people in this last category is a girl named Erin that lived above me in my third year in Res.
For whatever reason, Erin very much disliked me. Apparently it had something to do with my calling her ‘angry erin’ (as opposed to the other erin’s of the day: tall erin, short erin, and drunk/mormon/yukon erin). Angry Erin was generally not a nice person – despite her feeling that she had an unusually sunny disposition – and when she found out about her nick name she became even less nice.
This anger climaxed one evening while I was quietly studying in bed. I heard Angry Erin yelling my name from the floor above me. Assuming that it was some other unfortunate soul, I continued my reading. A few minutes later I heard a *slam* another *slam* some footsteps *slam* again and suddenly that angry voice was much closer. Real close. On the other side of my door sort of close.
“COME OUT HERE RIGHT NOW!!!” went Angry Erin.
“…” went I.
“OPEN THIS DOOR” went Angry Erin.
*click* went the lock on the door.
“I KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE. I CAN SEE YOUR LIGHT ON AND I THINK YOU JUST LOCKED THE DOOR!!” went Angry Erin.
*click* went the lights.
“OPEN UP THIS &*@#ing DOOR!!! I WANT TO SETTLE THIS HERE AND NOW!!!” went Angry Erin.
*swoosh* went my window.
*BAM BAM BAM* went Angry Erin.
Out the window went I.
Since that day, Erin has been on my people-to-avoid-at-all-costs-even-if-it-means-jumping-into-traffic’ list. As it turns out, this is a list that I failed to share with The Wife. This evening, while out shopping for Christmas gifts I found Angry Erin.
“Ooooh… smell this” said The Wife.
*DINGDINGDING* went my spidy sense. Figuring it was just tingling due to the hidden price tag on the soap the Wife was holding, I didn’t think much of it. As I looked around the store, eager for a ‘husband seat’ I noticed something frightening. Angry (and somewhat larger) Erin. “Holy crap… Angry Erin works here. We have to leave.”
“Angry Erin, who’s Angry Erin? Why are you talking about an Angry Erin?” asked The Wife.
“Welcome to our store, can I help you find anything?” Asked Angry Erin.
I think to myself.
“Yes, do you have this scent in a bubble bath?” Asked the Wife.
A few minutes pass, and I think that things are more or less going to work out. The Wife found her bubble bath, and decided that she’d come back later. As I grab The Wife by the waist and make for the door, I’m stopped by a frightening smile. “Do I know you?” asks Angry Erin. At this point, I begin anaylzing the difference in personal harm between standing still and hoping no one sees me, and diving through the storefront window. The window had just won out when Angry says “Oh! I Know. You’re from Hope! Right?”
Some how my sense of self preservation left at that point, replaced with a subconcious need to correct peoples mistakes. “Oh no.” I say, “I think we met at UVic.” I make a mental note to kick myself later.
“Oh right!! We worked in the kitchen together.”
I smile. Maybe she’ll see some lettuce in my teeth that will trigger a memory of kitchen life.
“Wow. That’s cool. I moved here about 6 months ago. I worked on a movie for a while… blah blah blah.” After about 5 minutes of praying that she is too self absorbed to remember her earlier murderous wrath, I thank her for her time and slip out the front door.
For future reference, to all who know me, if you see Angry Erin and me in the same place, please remove one or the other. If you are unsure of what she looks like, you can look for her in the Dungeon Seige movie coming out in 2006. Presumably she will be starring as the Dragon.